Orvanp

I am with my old childhood school friend Arr Pee and his little brother Gee Pee. Arr has a neat 'helmet' haircut (as opposed to his long, unruly hair of reality). I need to be home for 1pm as my parents are having 'guests' for lunch. I text my mother (and she replies, like a screengrab?) that I will leave at 12:56. 12:06? I have half an hour-

I am reassured that Arr and Gee still have a box of toys which I handle (kinda wishing I still had them too). I changed my shoes and am all ready to leave. I cannot locate my Doctor Martins shoes. I hunt for them, panicking, aware that time is slowly ticking away-

Fat fingered f*nny.

Car thing.

Skinny fingered f*nny.

Look at the size of that (portable) potty! (is that what it is?)

2 x 100 x 50cm packs under each arm as to put both under one arm would be very awkward to carry. I need to take a taxi to get home-

Arr and Gee's house is huge, scabby and chaotic, tubs of clothes everywhere, the paintwork flaking off. Again I am reassured by this somehow-

I leave urgently to avoid meeting their parents and just make it by the skin of my teeth – his father returns from walking their dog, their mother trailing some distance behind. From my high vantage point I watch them enter the house, Arr's mother (in shades) looking up and at me as she disappears inside. I think I am sufficiently hidden from view, but cannot help wonder if she saw me-

Talk about the state of the house. ￡110,000 spent on the rear stairwell so actually not bad (as opposed to my opinion)-

Alec Guinness is to be the 'guest' for lunch. He's a very old man. I laugh to myself and consider saying, 'hello there' in my best Star Wars Obi Wan Kenobi homage when I meet him. Will he think it's funny?-

Four of us are walking past Arr's house. Who here's got a wife? I am surprised when my old school friend Ess Bee says that he does. Do I?-

I am walking alone, shifting the packs of portable pottys(?) from arm to arm as they are uncomfortable, being tucked up tight under my armpit causing me to strain my arm to hold them. I wait at a set of traffic lights. Should I take a taxi or not? I am trying to orientate myself for home – I'm not sure but I seem to be slowly getting more and more lost. Did I in fact head off in the wrong direction after leaving Arr's? Lots of small classic cars are now being driven towards me to my annoyance as I stumble along a narrow (but familiar) cobble stone lane. Am I on the right route at last? I duck through the middle of some sort of stacking crates construct where I have an encounter with a jolly/annoying fat fingered f*nny who is out to slap/hinder me-