Hwollt

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/jude_law

I am working in an office in a large room with a high ceiling. I am sharing this room with 3 colleagues. I sit on the left, my table facing into the room. Directly across from me my boss (a soft spoken Jude Law/Matt Goss-alike) sits, his desk facing mine. To my left is another table adjoining mine and the same goes for my boss. The desk to his right is made of thick wood that has been rounded and finished to a very high and attractive standard. (In spite of this visual and build quality every desk is cluttered with PCs and paperwork. Even the floor in at our feet is a muddle of boxes and files.) I seem to covet the nice desk that is diagonally opposite to me, perhaps as beyond that the setting suggests the room opens out into a bright glazed space-

www.bt.com/tv/entertainment/

I am now back at work 2 weeks after having lost my job(?). I am delighted, in spite of all the clutter, to be seated at the much coveted far desk on the right (also due to the fact I am now seated across from a pretty Vicki Pattison-alike woman – I cannot recall too much about her, just her long, styled black hair, parted in the middle). I am struggling to establish some sort of order in my workspace as well as trying to fend off questions about my absence/sudden return. I simply state, half-joking-half-deadly serious, that it is “top secret” and that people should be asking my boss(es) and not me. Do I direct a hapless Ben Wishaw-alike to a black metal posting box in at my feet under my desk?-

I am walking with my boss and (still indoors?) we pass a great scene on our left. A high slightly weathered wall, made of huge rounded chunks of stone, has been partially taken down to reveal a stylish columned stone building in behind. I remark on the wonderful quality of this newly revealed elevation and my boss agrees. I ask him where we actually are and he mentions a country called something like “Noin”, going on to explain that it is very small (once occupied?) and is bordered by something like 47-50 other countries-

Johjulnice

"What is all this John Nice and Julie Nice? What is all this John Nice and Julie Nice? What is all this John Nice and Julie Nice? WHAT IS ALL THIS JOHN NICE AND JULIE NICE!?"

Nechyl

I am at a The Charlatans concert in the Glasgow Barrowland Ballroom. (Again, as ever, the dreamescape version bears no relation the reality aside from the pervading sensation of being the exact place.) I am surprised at the size of the crowd, counting in the region of 10-20 people, marvelling that the band could previously sell out 3 (full capacity) nights in a row. Towards the end of the gig everyone lines up to participate in a sort of ad hoc conga (around some sort of central sound desk construct in the middle of the venue's dancefloor). I am very careful not to stand in any dog dirt that has been trampled into the grass(?). When the gig is finally finished it seems as if that is well and truly it for the venue, that it will be closing forever, the cloakroom on 'lockdown' unless you pay (considerable) money to retrieve your belongings-

I am outside in a market space and spot my old student friend Dubya Arr walking near me. He sports long, greying hair and wears a faded t-shirt and denims, clomping and stomping along comically as we both jokingly pretend not to recognise/acknowledge one another. We eventually stop to talk and I tell him I was at a Canyon (a Canadian alt-country band he and I both like) concert. I shy away from the reality it was in fact The Charlatans, worried that mentioning them will damage my credibility – a decision itself that then plagues me as I toil with considering telling the actual truth. Dubya seems to be helping an old man his dried squid stall and we examine several of his wares, each bisected perfectly down the centre and dried so that the skin has a cooked, cold pasta-like constituency-

Wlooduu

I am with my (old school) friend Aye Dubya. I have a wig (of sorts) that is styled in a similar fashion to, say, SIA's hair. The wig itself is made from the same stringy-ish material as a mop and looks very similar in appearance as a result. This “hair" is rooted back into a black plastic skullcap which has an (upside down) 'V' shape cut into the front centre, presumably to incorporate the bridge of the nose (although, of course, this would mean the wearer would have it pretty much down over their eyes). I actually tilt my head back as such to achieve this. To add to my appearance I put on a bull snout(?) mask and wear a set of oversized false teeth too, jammed in below, all the while trying not to choke on them. With this confused disguise (just about!) perched in place I exclaim to Aye, “This is gonnae f**k yeez up!”-